Barba-ric Post

My disdain for the horse named Barbaro has been made abundently clear over the course of the last few months. In fact, the posts about Barbaro were some of my more well-written and viewed entries. Well, the good times are over, and sad times are upon us. No, not because Barbaro was put to rest because he was a quitter, but rather because I have nothing more to post about him.

For those of you that might have been in a mild state of coma for the last 6 months, or the rest of you that are generally retarded and can't follow any television programming beyond Blue's Clue's, Barbaro is a horse, and a horse that broke his leg in the Preakniss.

Following this "horrific" injury, the nations heart skipped a beat and the stock exchange shut down to chronicle the story of Barbaro and his recovery. Day in and day out all you heard on ESPN, Fox News, CNN, and the Playboy channel was about this horse (I came to find out the playboy channel was referring to another horse, who ironically was not even a horse, but a human) They spoke of Barbaro as if he was Bill from the 10th floor. You know Bill, he tore his ACL in the company basketball game and hasn't been back to work since. He's on the long road to recovery, and Bill's coworkers, friends, and family visit him often and tell stories about what's been going on in their lives and on the outside world. Barbaro received similar treatment from fans, kids, and even horses.

It took me some time to decide which was worse, the stories about kids and fans writing Barbaro letters, or the doctors and media talking about how Barbaro was talking to neighboring horses and being very responsive. I don't want to seem overly cynical, but it's a horse...it can't read. It can't even be read to. When you sit beside his stall and read him his cards, he isn't retarded or injured, you are. Chin check time because there's probably some drool leaking out of your mouth, and you probably have an enlarged forehead. I know...there I go again being cynical.

If this was "Beauty" from the farm in Kruger, Ms it would have been shot immediately after the bone went pop. You would have broken the news to little Janey and Timmy and told them Beauty had gone to sleep and would be able to run forever in heaven with the other horses. But no, this was Barbaro, king ding a ling (literally probably). We can't just take him out back and shoot him like any other crippled mammal, we have to coddle him and cover him like he was breaking news everyday.

You realize that England, France, Japan, and even Mexico probably laughed their asses off when they turned on their Fox news affiliate and saw the American's covering Barbaro three months after his injury. We became the laughing stock for covering live stock.

Well, fortunately for our "great" nation that all ended last weekend when Barbaro was euthanized. Euthanized is the fancy word for 9mm to the temple. Blunt like James, and beautiful doing it.

So, Barbaro...here is my eulogy to you, peace. Yep, short and sweet, like your meaningless 3 year life. Sure you won the Kentucky Derby, but so have hundreds of other horses. You were nothing special. They won't even make glue out of your hooves. You're nothing and won't be rememebered by anyone. The cards you received...burned. The horses that "talked" to you from their stall...all banging some other stallion. The media who covered you...on to Britney's vagina. Old news Barbaro, old news.

Good riddance.